Firsts and Lasts
by whomii2
Summary: snapshots of moments in Harold's life [for my trope bingo square: first time/last time]
**The first time** Harold lost someone close to him was when his mother died. It changed his whole world. Suddenly the house was just wrong. It wasn't a comforting home anymore. Instead it was filled with an oppressive sense of sadness. And strangers- lots of strangers. Bringing casseroles and stews and cakes. It seemed like everyone from the town was stopping by. Harold had never liked crowds or being the center of attention, even at such a young age. So he sat out of the way at the top of the stairs and listened to the hushed murmuring " _Sorry...so Sorry...Such a tragedy...She was so young...It was so sudden..."_ Even after many years the sorrow never quite faded from the house, although Harold's father eventually did.

 **The first time** Harold realized that there was something wrong with his father was when the man got lost on the way to the hardware store. It was a trip that they had made a thousand times before, and it wasn't like the town was that large anyway. But after taking a wrong turn and heading away from their destination his father slowed the car and began to look around in confusion, wondering where they were going. Harold reminded him of their errand and prompted him to turn at the next intersection to get back on the right track. They were able to complete their errand without further incident. Harold's father had been absent-minded for a while. He would forget where he put things, remarking " _I don't know where my head is at"_ when Harold handed them to him. And recently Harold had noticed his father had a tendency to repeat things. His father would say something, Harold would respond, and then after a few moments his father would say the same thing again and the conversation would repeat. Although he found this a bit annoying, Harold hadn't thought it was anything more than the lingering grief that had dampened his father's spirit since Harold's mother died. Now for the first time Harold began to consider that there might be more to the story. Harold became really worried a week later when his father forgot he was cooking dinner and a fire broke out on the stove.

 **The first time** Harold saw Nathan the blond was lying on a bed in their dorm room, flipping through a Sports Illustrated magazine. He sat up and offered his hand to Harold with a big smile on his face when Harold entered the room.

 **The first words** Nathan said to Harold were " _You must be Harold! I was wondering when you would come. I am sure we will be great friends."_

 **The last words** Nathan said to Harold were " _Harold! I knew you would come, my friend."_

 **The last time** Harold saw Nathan he was lying on a gurney. A doctor pulled a sheet over Nathan's face and his friend was wheeled away.

 **The first time** Harold considered fatherhood he was standing next to an exhausted yet giddy Nathan looking through the glass at the hospital nursery as a newborn Will was placed in a basinet. He had never considered starting a family before, but he couldn't quite squash a bit of envy at Nathan's happiness and a wistful longing that maybe someday...

 **The first time** Harold saw Will he vowed to be the best uncle he could be for his best friend's child. It never occurred to him at that moment that he would lie to Will for his entire life. Will would never really know the computer genius who was his father's business partner, only insurance agent Harold Wren who was hopeless with computers.

 **The last time** Harold saw Will the young man was leaving for Sudan. Although Harold would miss him he thought it for the best. It would be safer that way. Safer for Will and safer for Harold's secrets. Will had been showing entirely too much interest in his father's affairs.

 **The last time** Harold considered fatherhood he watched Leila being taken away by her grandparents. He felt a pang, but there was no time for both children and their mission. The Numbers would have to take precedence.

 **The first time** Harold saw Grace it was due to the Machine. He was curious what about this woman had captured his creation's interest. Soon Grace would capture his own interest. He intended to propose to her but he never got the chance. He also never found the right moment to tell her the truth. Or his real name.

 **The last time** Harold saw Grace it was due to Samaritan. She was but a pawn in a larger struggle, of no interest to Decima save for her connection to Harold. Grace never saw Harold as he traded himself for her safety.

 **The first time** Harold buried a partner (Nathan was so much more than a partner) Harold literally buried a partner. Although Mr. Dillinger would probably disagree with that description. Too many secrets, too little trust in their relationship. It was the reason he used to justify his betrayal.

 **The first time** Harold saw John Reese the other man didn't even notice he was there, too devastated by loss due to Harold's failure to save Jessica.

 **The first thing** Reese said to Harold was " _Sorry."_ **The first thing** Harold said to John was " _I am so sorry."_ They were referring to completely different things.

 **The first time** Harold met Detective Carter he lied about who he was, pretending to be a victim caught up in the precinct robbery.

 **The first time** Harold met Detective Carter as himself he was holding a wounded and bleeding Reese in his arms.

 **The last time** Harold saw Detective Carter alive she was bleeding out while cradled in John's arms.

 **The first time** Harold met Shaw he was trying to save her life. She turned her back and walked away, only to "die" from an injection a short time later.

 **The last time** Harold saw Shaw she turned her back and walked away from the elevator in order to save all of their lives, only to "die" in a gun battle a few moments later as they made their escape.

 **The first words** Harold said to the Machine were the same as for all the previous iterations: " _Who am I?"_

 **The first words** the Machine said to Harold were the same as all the other times before: " _Admin"_

 **The first time** Harold admitted to himself that the Machine was his child was when it called him Father as Harold was trying to save its "life."

 **The last words** the Machine said to Harold were " _If I do not survive, Thank you for creating me."_

As he clutched the case containing the remnants of the Machine, Harold wondered if his father's words from so long ago were true: " _Not everything broken is meant to be fixed."_


End file.
